anxious attachment

for an uncomfortable amount of time i sat in a pool of my own anguish and it was one of the only times i allowed myself to truly feel. and maybe lying there and letting the blood gently pour out of the grotesque stab wound located somewhere between my chest and gut allowed me to finally let go. why would anyone do this to me? what did i do to deserve this? why am i stuck in an endless loop? instead of a desperate attempt to quickly stitch it back together, i lazily left the old scar freshly impaled. i want this dumb fucking wound to heal already but for some reason i can only watch as my hands clumsily perform the operation. the blood is uncomfortably drying on my skin, my whole body is itching from the inside out and i all i can think about is how i hate the person who did this to me. unsure if its the loss of blood but as i look down, all i can make out is the bloody knife in my right hand and i can’t remember if its been there all along.